Sometimes the best races have nothing to do with time.....

It was all too surreal when I drove up to EJ the Friday afternoon before the CVX Marathon.  Home in the summer is usually all about relaxing, boating, drinking, and canoeing.  I had to keep reminding myself I was here to run a marathon and spend time with my family that was all coming in for my Grandpas 93rd birthday.  My life of running was being merged with home, two things I love dearly and credit a lot of my personality and attitude for.  It was a weird feeling, but it made me smile. 

I arrived to my moms house and walked in to find an East Jordan track singlet on the table.  I never ran x-country, and only ran track so I could high jump, so I found it even more amusing that I was now gonna be wearing this again tomorrow...but with the pride it deserved. 

The family that traveled in had rented a large house right on the race course and walking distance to the "expo" and start line. Once settled at my moms I headed up there to get my packet and visit with the family.  The expo was less expo, more booth.  It was tiny, but sat right in a small park overlooking the lake in downtown Charlevoix, which was a perfect setting.  I checked in and headed back up to the rental house for some family time.  Normally a pre-race day like this would have a lot of traffic, shuffling through long lines, waiting for a place to eat out for lunch, more traffic, and eventually some relaxing and a small dinner.  This was quite the change, and I liked it.  I got to sit on the porch with family I hadn't seen in 4 or more years, sip some homebrew and catch up.  I even went for a short run just to see how my legs felt. 

Confidence grew as I finished about 3 miles and my legs were fresh from some much needed rest.  I checked the weather almost hourly.  It dropped from 59 at the start to 55, and should have been only 62 by the end with almost no wind.  Conditions were perfect.  I visited until early evening then went home to my moms, grabbed some gatorade and some pasta for breakfast.  I meticulously pinned my bib on my EJ singlet, and my "Never, Never, Never Give Up" sign on my back in honor of my friend Megan.  I settled into the recliner, read a chapter in my running book and hit the bed.  Usually I sleep poorly before a big race.  I'm fairly certain I was asleep before my head hit the pillow. 

I awoke at 5am and "lubed" up liberally with anit-chafe.  I was literally gonna be a well oiled machine this morning :)  I made some coffee, and ate some pasta.  I finished the last chapter in RUN by Dean Karnazes.  The timing for finishing this book was great. 

My mom and I drove up together and arrived to the family house about 6:15.  A few aunts and uncles were already up enjoying coffee.  I said my "good mornings" and went to run a quick mile to loosen up.  The run went well, legs were still fresh, not that I could do much if they weren't at this point anyway.  Stretching, gatorade, go time. 

My uncle Chris arrived just as we were heading to the start line, he was also running the full.  We met down near the start and I took some pics of the start, it was a GORGEOUS day.  The sun coming up over round lake and shining down the channel onto the lighthouse.  It was amazing. 

Before I knew it the gun was going off and we were off!  I heard and saw some family along the start yelling for me....I got chills realizing I was about to run 26.2 miles where I grew up and I would have friends and family along the way.  I had to push that aside though, I had a long way to go and as I knew from the last race....anything can happen over 26 miles. 

I felt great mentally and physically.  It was hard to keep a 7min mile, I wanted to go faster, but I held back.  The first few miles were through some amazing homes by famous architects and around Mt. McSauba, where I had spent some winter days playing.  We popped out near the main road and jumped onto the bike path.  Up ahead I saw a blue shirt that I recognized immediately, it was last years EJ River Run shirt hanging in a tree and Rob cheering and taking some pics.  My best friend had found me and I was very touched he came out so early to cheer me on.  I told him I didn't need him there so early but he insisted, and I appreciated it.  

Miles were clicking away pretty good and my pace was steady.  I was very please to look down at my watch at each mile marker and see that it matched perfectly.  Usually I expect to see an extra .2 miles over a marathon on my watch so this being so exact meant more time for me....another benefit to the day so far.  

The course was a bit lonely but I loved it.  We were somewhat secluded on a shaded bike path, trees on both sides.  If you were driving down the main road you might not even know we were there. We'd pop out every now and then at a roadside park on the lake, furthering the beaty of the course.  Every mile or so you'd see a group of people and an aid station.  I was running with some people that must have had a group following them, I saw the same fans at every stop.  Then I too saw a familiar face!  My uncle Ken was standing along the path taking pics.  I didn't know he was going to be there so that was a real treat.  I thanked him, gave a thumbs up and kept moving.   

I didn't think the course was as hilly as it looked on paper, but just then I saw a beefy one ahead.  It stretched up and over an overpass, probably a couple hundred yards long.  Nothing I couldn't handle, but my pace suffered a little.  I was about 40 sec ahead until that point, the hill cost me 20 seconds, no bid deal though. 

I felt pretty good still, but I had forgotten how it feels to be running for so long.  "Are we there yet?" seemed to be a common thought for me.  "If I can just get to the turn" I thought, "I'll know I'm halfway and can run with my heart from then on, legs or no legs". Sadly, things started to take a turn, BEFORE the actual turn. 

Somewhere around 12.5 my bodies check engine light went on.  It was my left foot, the toes were curling/cramping.  "NO, NO, NO!!" I thought and my mind started racing.  I calmed myself down and tried not to think about it, hopefully NOT letting it get to me would settle things down...mind over matter.  It kind of worked and I was coming up on the turn.  A nice group was formed and they were all cheering, I was probably only 30ppl or less back from the leader, and out of 600 that was pretty good!  I saw my aunt Beckie there and my uncle Ken had made it there too, taking some pics.  I told them I was starting to cramp (dont think he heard me), but I kept pushing.  I didn't know if this would get worse, get better, or go away.  It didn't take long to figure that out. 

About 13.5 miles in it was like a switch hit and my legs were frozen in time, but my upper half was still moving.  Cramps engulfed my left foot, shot to my left calf, hamstring, and groin, then down the right side, everything but my right foot.  I locked up entirely and instantly and hit the pavement.  To say I was upset would be a massive understatement.  Barely over half way and I was a statue.  I took a quick second to stretch and try to loosen up.  I got up and tried desperately to turn my hobble into something that resembled a run, and then into a marathon pace.  I made it about another 200 yards......leg lockdown.  More stretching, more limping, more realization that today might not be my day. 

Surprisingly I kept a level head.  "Don't give up, give yourself a chance" I kept telling myself.  I thought if I could just keep moving, who knows what could happen.  I could break free from all this and get back into a pace and maybe, just maybe I could muster up enough in the last few miles to keep myself in the running for Boston.  I had already lost a couple minutes, but with the course being so exact, I knew I had about 1:45 on my side, I just had to keep going.  Sadly, by mile 15, I had lost several minutes and was only able to run a quarter mile or less before the cramping was so bad I was screaming in pain and doing everything I could to stretch things out and keep mobile.  It was kind of sad, I saw my uncle Ken up ahead, he had drove ahead after watching me make the turn, what a difference 2 miles makes, huh?  I was hobbling along, but I saw him and it made me smile, he could tell I was upset, and I explained what had happened.  He offered a banana and some gatorade, which I declined....it was too late for that :)  He asked if I wanted a ride back.  Without hesitation I replied "they'll have to peel me off the course today, I'll be at the end" and I kept right on hobbling. 

The next several, seemingly endless miles, were torture, but did force me to enjoy some of the finer race experiences.  Every aid station was so supportive and nice.  I'd stop to stretch, drink some fluids, try to have something witty to say and make my way to the next one.  If I saw someone walking, I'd try to catch up to them and walk with them for a bit.  Misery loves company, right?  It gave me a chance to hear a new story about fellow runner I'd never met, it was nice.  Some were also trying for Boston but had lost hope, some hadn't trained at all but just wanted to run it today.  The scenery was amazing, the people were great, this is why I started running to begin with.

Days later (it felt like) I was approaching mile 23 and I knew Rob and Scott would be there.  I felt bad; I had told Ken to call my mom and Maura to let them know I had blown up, but I was ok, but I had no way of letting Rob and Scott know......I felt bad about this.  I got up to them and gave Rob a big hug and told Scott I was sorry he wouldn't be getting the workout I promised :)  He didn't seem to care and we kept on. 

"Ok, let's go"..........."oh god, CRAMP" seemed to be my only coherent thoughts at this point.  I know I was trying to hold a conversation with Scott about work, his wife, the twins on the way, but I also know I couldn't remember if he answered me, or if I had already asked a question....my brain was completely cooked.  Can't say I've ever experienced that before. 

"Hey, I'm gonna pace these guys for a bit" I heard coming up from behind me and two guys caught up and started walking with us.  Just like I had done earlier, two guys just wanted to chat and together we joked and laughed about our misfortune.  One guy kept looking back to see if his wife was gonna pass him, fearing how the rest of that day would go if she did.  Eventually we made our way to the last mile and I told Scott "no matter what I'm running down the hill to the finish"  One of our companions had taken off and as we rounded the half mile left mark, the other said he was gonna try to beat the 4 hour mark which was closing in.  I didn't have that level of fight in me so we let him go.  I watched him go, and watched my watch.  Just at the top of the hill, with 100yds left, he stopped, put his hands on his knees and began to walk......4:00....he didn't make it. 

"Here comes the house my family is in, I can't let them see me walk" I told Scott.  I was ready to run as soon as we get to the main road.  "GO BABY PIE!!" I heard all the sudden.....ha!  It was the girl who lived next to me in the dorms at WMU!  She called me that, can't remember why, but it made me smile and I started to run as the hill approached, onlookers stuck in bridge traffic cheering, the crowd growing as we neared the crest of the hill. 

"AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!"  I yelled out and my calves and hamstrings locked harder than rock and for the first time all day I could NOT move. I couldn't even move enough to attempt stretching it out.  I was standing 50yds from the finish, my family and friends could see me and I was frozen to the earth. 

Runners are a funny group, we take pride in the pain and the work it takes to improve.  It's these things that create an amazing sense of comradery and what drew me instantly to running to begin with.  This was never more evident than at this moment.  A moment of extreme pain in front of tons of people, a fellow runner who had already finished jumped the guardrail and bent down, slapping and hitting my calves.  "Don't worry man, we'll break you free" he said.  He didn't have to do that, but he's a runner, so in a way, he DID have to :)  It worked and I was able to move again.  I stood for a second and looked down at the finish line.  Two deep breaths and I took off like a mad man down the stretch and across the finish line.  I made it.  Rob was there instantly to give me a hug and to hold me up.  My mom just behind him very happy to see me.  My dad had been there, but after such a long delay figured I'd be too upset and figured I'd want some space, I dont blame him for this, I wanted solitary confinement after Va Beach. Scott and Bethany were there and both congratulated me.  My uncle Chris finished just after I did, I was very proud of him!  I took my medal with pride today.  I couldn't even beat 4 hours, but I fought for every step today, and never once considered giving up.  I'm ok with that.  I saw the two guys I had walked with at the medical tent resting.  We high fived and shared a good laugh.  One guy said to me "Andy, you inspired me man, thanks".  I honestly have no idea how I did that, or maybe I hallucinated him saying it, or was so wacked out during our walk with him I said something profound.  Either way, it was nice to hear.

My mom and I shared a drink at the Weathervane, I still wanted my champagne, and I was also very proud of my mom for doing her first 10K.  We sipped them down and I later went back to shower and get ready for my Grandpas B-day. 

The rest of the day was amazing.  My grandpa was so happy to see everyone and my grandma happy to have pulled off a surprise party for her hubby.  We stuffed ourselves with good food and good tunes as my uncle, and his daughter, and another uncle played some great bluegrass.  I feel like I got to visit with most, if not eveyone, with some quality one-on-one time, which we dont get often being so far apart.  I remember at one point I was just sitting next to my uncle Gerard, him playing the guitar, me sitting next to him sipping a good beer, and my 93 year young grandpa sitting across from us.  I was taking it all in.  I was sore and dehydrated, but my heart was as full as its ever been.  This was the best race experience I've ever had and it had nothing to do with the time on the clock.  It was about the time spent with the people of the day, some of them I had just met that day, some I've known my whole life.  Both impacted my life for the better, and I'm extremely greatful for all that I have.  Thank you running.

EJ HERE I COME!!!

I haven't posted anything since I decided to run the CVX.  I dont really know why this is, I just wasn't feeling it.  I think I felt a little let down when I posted all the time, bringing people along on my last journey, only to seemingly fail....I didn't want that again. 

But I'm back, sorta.  I wanted to at least re-cap my training, the good, the bad, and the ugly and give a peek into my mental state before my race in 6 days.

Training:

Training for this marathon has been nothing short of "freestylin".  I remembered immediately why training during the spring and summer months is so tough.....there's so much more to do :)  I was now in a basketball league, and my work golf league started.  It was daylight longer and warmer so going on the boat and keeping the house in order were now all competing for my time.  I've always said that if running felt like a job, I'd quit, so I decided to run what I felt like, when I felt like it.  I still ran almost 6 days a week and got a hefty amount of miles in, but most importantly, I wasn't killing myself every day, I enjoyed the "pace" of training and that kept me happy.  I just hoped I wasn't NOT doing enough to keep me in a position to compete. 

Instead of 2 days of speedwork, I basically got one per week, and most of the time that speedwork consisted of a Y league basketball game.  I think it actually helped that I used that in my training.  I found myself playing harder, running up and down the floor faster and picking up my guy the full length of the court simply because I "needed the exercise".  I think people thought I was a bit nuts, but....I am, so it's ok. 

The other days of the week I would usually run anywhere between 6-8 miles, sometimes at an easy pace, sometimes I'd push it more.  The total miles for the week were less than I was suppose to do, but I focused on the quality, not the quantity. 

My Saturday runs were my main focus.  Kick ass on these and all was well.  For the most part, I was able to do this.  My 15, 17, and 19 mile runs went perfectly as scheduled.  I decided that I'd make my new goal pace a 7:00mile vs. 6:40 on these runs, which also helped.  As much as I wanted 6:40, 7:00 would get me into Boston and that's the ultimate goal.  No sense in pushing myself, and risking a blowup again.  On the day my 21 miler was going on, it was both fantastic and probably self destructive in hindsight.  This particular week I was super stressed out and decided not to run the Friday night before. I left early Saturday morning and headed out to the river.  I warmed up as usual and stretched out more than usual.  Once I took back off I realized how great I felt.  My legs were loose and fresh and I was comfortably holding a mid 7min mile!  I knew this was dangerous, knowing I had to run the last 8 at a sub 7min pace, but I was feeling so good I just kept on.  At mile 10 I was still feeling amazing and decided I'd see if I could run the last 11 at sub 7.......I came close.  I ran the last 9 at around a 6:50, the last two just over 7min.  Total pace was 7:15! By far better than anything I expected.  BUT......at what cost?

Injuries started setting in.  From this run onward I started battling aches and pains all the time.  I now realized that the plan states "easy" for the first part and then goal pace becuase pushing beyond this will break your body down to a point where full recovery is needed.......oops!  Knees ached, ankles felt weak, muscles were trashed.  The following weekends were challenged with IT band issues, and severe muscle pains in my right quad. It took 6 miles of the 23 miler (last big workout) before I loosened up.  I ran it well, but I knew something was a miss, and I needed help to get things in order before the race just 3 weeks away.  I took an extra day off and tried to run a measly 4 miles while traveling for work, but the shooting muscle pain in my right quad/hammy was too much to deal with and I was forced to rest the rest of the week. 

I decided to go see the same massage therapist Maura was using for her knee issues. He specializes in pain relief so I figured that was a good place to start.  It was basically paying for torture.  He used a lot of "cupping" therapy, which  is using suction to pull muscles apart in hopes of breaking things up and allowing blood flow to get into areas that need it.  Incredibly painful!  It seemed to work but even after a weeks rest and some therapy, I was still feeling like a beat up ol' truck.  I ran 3 days, dealing with the pain but then switched to Spin classes since that didn't seem to hurt.  I decided to go back for another treatment, fearing that I had a small muscle tear.  Doesn't look like anything is tore, but I'm likely overtrained.  I have spots in my quad where it feels like I have cement implanted.....not good.  It was decided that it was best to allow treatment to set for another two days, then do spinning two more days, then I'm traveling for work, so basically rest Wednesday and Thursday, a couple warmup miles on Friday to make sure I still know HOW to run, and then..........it's game time. 

Race:
The race itself follows some gorgeous areas of Charlevoix, MI, just 13 miles from where I grew up riding my bike.  It's an out and back course, fairly flat and has many spots where I can see Lake Michigan.  I get goosebumps just thinking about it.  My uncle, at 50+ is also running the marathon, my mom, a couple aunts and a couple cousins running the 10K.  My "EJ Boys" are going to be somewhere along mile 20 and my friend Jesse at either 18 or 23.  One friend, Scott, might actually run the last 3.2 with me......that should be cool.  Basically I'm trying to survive 20 miles becuase I know once I see them I'll be emotionally charged to make the final miles.  My mom scored an EJ Red Devils track singlet for me too and I read on the race website that the EJ HS Cheer Team is working the finish line.  I couldn't paint a better scenario to run a marathon if I tried.  The time is important, but there's something about all this coming together, my life of running down here and combining with all I love from home that's really special for me right now.  I just hope that I can remind my self of that for 26.2 more miles...............here I go. Thank you to all that believe in me and have supported me thus far......see you at the finish line!

"We can rebuild him....we can make him stronger"

It's been two weeks since Virginia Beach.  I graciously took this time to relax in the nice spring weather and also to get my heart and lungs checked out after the chest issues I had during the race. My EKG showed a slightly enlarged left side of my heart, but that's fairly normal and is called an "athletes heart".  Either way, the doc and I felt it was best to have a pulmonary function test done to look for asthma and as well as a Stress-Echocardiogram to look for any heart abnormalities. 

I had originally had no desire to look for another marathon over the summer.  That lasted about 3-4 days :)  I figured I was already in great shape, why let it go to waste?  As long as my tests all came back clear, I'd look for another race. 

Pulmonary test came back clear.  Stress-Cardio was more or less a test of how amazed I could make the doctors. They were literally used the word "perfection" with my heart function as I shattered any previous testing endurance they had seen in their memory.  The official diagnosis is "exercise induced asthma" that I may or may not ever experience again.  So.......where to race? 

There was really only one choice as far as I was concerned.  This opportunity was close enough to take advantage of my existing fitness, but far enough out I could recover fully before starting again.  It would also be on my home turf!  AND, I'd have family in town!

On June 23rd, I've decided to take my talents to Northern Michigan for the Charlevoix Marathon! 

It seemed like the perfect scenario.  I knew I didn't want to "chase" Boston by trying to find another destination race that would require travel, lodging, etc, with the only purpose being that of a great finishing time.  This race gave me an opportunity to get back to why I started running to begin with: the experience.  What could be better than doing what I love, in a place I love, with lots of people I love? I'm still gonna aim at a 2:56 or at least sub 3:05, but to be honest.....I just wanna have a great race and enjoy having my family there to watch me.  I'm healthy, I'm happy, and right now, that's enough for me :)  

So there you have it.  I'm back in the game.  I "officially" started training this week.  I'm going to use the same plan I used before but only use the last 11 weeks since that's all the time I have.  I'll probably tweak the weightlifting but that's about it.  Time to get crackin'!! 

It's about how hard you can get hit.....and keep moving forward.

"The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place and I don't care how tough you are it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently if you let it. You, me, or nobody is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard ya hit. It's about how hard you can get it and keep moving forward. How much you can take and keep moving forward. That's how winning is done! Now if you know what you're worth then go out and get what you're worth. But ya gotta be willing to take the hits, and not pointing fingers saying you ain't where you wanna be because of him, or her, or anybody! Cowards do that and that ain't you! You're better than that!"  ROCKY

Funny, I heard that quote during one of the many videos I ran across while prepping for the race.  I thought it was an awesome quote, but never thought it'd be the one I needed most after my race. 

Conditions were perfect.  50 degrees, slight cloud cover.  I got up, had my coffee and muffin, gatorade.  Maura dropped me off near the start and went to park the truck.  I found my way to the start around 7:30am, an hour before the start.  As I walked up and saw the starting line, I also saw an amazing sunrise over the beach.  "amazing day for amazing things to take place" I thought to myself as I made my way to the boardwalk.  Why WOULDN'T I want to do some stretching along the beach, full race gear on, while the sun came up over the ocean?  A race photographer even came to take my pic, I can't wait to see that one. 

Maura found me and I we stood alone near the start, took some pics and I stretched continuously. "You know you have like 45 minutes to go" she said.  "I know, just let me do my thing".  I dont know if I actually was or not, but around the 30min to go point I thought I was hungry again!  "Shit, I need food" I told Maura and I started out in a hunt.  I ducked into a nearby Hampton Inn and stole a bagel.......we runners....we're a resourceful people when we need to be. 

I munched my bagel, stood near the starting line as people filled in around me.  Maura made her way to the other side to get some pics.  My friend Joel, who's first marathon this would be, met up along side me as we waited.  I love being on the start line.  Something about being able to stare down the course right before the start always gets my blood pumping.  In front of us were the "elites".  A group of marines running for a fallen soldier, and another in a wheel chair that was badly hurt during the same mission.  My god, what courage.  Also with them was Team Hoyt.  Team Hoyt was born out of a father who pushed his handicapped son in a wheel chair during marathons and triathelons.  They've got thousands of members all over the country and have been a staple at a lot of bigger races I've been to. They're goal is to see to it that EVERYONE has the chance to experience the thrill of a race.  I DARE any person to run with them and not shed a tear.  I'm trying to hold back just thinking about it. 

They let the elites go and a couple minutes later ushered us to the start line.  I was amongst the best of the best, right where I wanted to be.  Crowds on both sides cheering, leprachaun on the loud speaker counting us down, and I could see Maura in the crowd up ahead.  I had to fight off the emotion....it was powerful. 

HOOOONNNNKK!!  The horn (I would have preferred a gun, but oh well) goes off and there we were.....it was time to put my money where my mouth was for 26.2 miles.  Joel and I decided to stay together for the first 5 miles. He had forgotten his watch so figured best to stick with me for a bit and see what happened.  The miles ticked away just as planned.  Miles 1-5, 7 min a piece...not 6:59, not 7:01...7:00.00000!  I was pumped.  Mile 5 hit and I gave a small fist bump to Joel and started making my way forward, plucking people off as I went.  I felt great.  I was even giving out "free high fives" along the way to the crowd and doing the Hulk Hogen "ear thing" to get some more cheers.  It worked too.....some may say that doing that costs energy, but my take is that doing that gives me 100X more back then what it takes to give. 

Mile 13.1...half way.  I saw Maura and Joels girl at the half way point.  There was a small, yet annoying, head wind from mile 9 to ~16, not enough to really make me struggle, but enough for me to wonder about it.  I waved at the girls, trying to stay focused.  At this point I found myself saying "is this tougher than it should be right now?" As a small group pulled away.  I planned to run what was comfortable, trust my training and even if I was slightly off pace, I knew I could make it all back in the home stretch.  Or so I thought. 

Mile 16 I was really hurting. Not it a way I had ever really dealt with either.  Not at 16 miles at least.  I was hurting bad, but kept moving. I had been through all the motivational sayings, mantras, etc, I had and nothing was working.  I was starting to worry.  I refused to walk, I kept saying to myself "mile 18, just get there, it's a small down hill from there, maybe a tail wind".....but it never came.  I got to 18, but was still far enough inland there was no help.  I looked at my watch....heart rate was 188....WAY WAY WAY too high for where I was or the pace I had been keeping...which by the way, was barely above 7 min to this point.  I stopped to walk, thinking if I could catch my breath I could keep moving and make up the time. I stopped, I tried to take a deep breath, but half way into my breath it felt like an elephant was sitting on my chest and I started coughing.  WTF?  What was this?  I'd never experienced this during any of my training....what was going on?  It didn't seem serious enough to stop, but it was serious enough to walk for a bit.  I walked....then I ran (jogged rather) then I walked.....I shouted terrible words, some at myself, some just into the sky.  I jogged....I walked again.....everytime I started running I thought it would be for good and I could finish honorably, but then I'd have to walk again.  I felt like I couldn't get any oxygen to my legs, no oxygen, no fuel, no hope.  People would run by with a heart felt "c'mon, you got this" but they didn't know.  They had no idea I was several minutes off pace at this point....I did appreciate their words though. 

Miles 22-26.2 were the worst thing I've experienced thus far in running.  I think I was walking for a few minutes and running/jogging for less at this point. I was getting passed left and right, and felt angered whenever a spectator would try to encourage me.  I knew they meant well, but they didn't know.  I think the highlight of all this was stopping by a small house party handing out samples of Guinness.  They were stoked when I actually stopped for a sample and even more stoked when I took 3, combined them and took off!!  I figured a little beer at this point would only help!! 

When my watch said 2:57....that was the worst of the worst.  All I could think about was the people NOT getting texts or emails about my finish, and Maura.....sitting there at the end.....seeing the clock....and me NOT in sight.  Joel even passed me miles ago.....that hurt.  He'd trained half as hard as I did.  Damn it!! 3:00....over 2 miles out. I wanted to quit. I just wanted this over.  I couldn't handle being out there knowing Maura was sitting there worried about where I was.....if I was ok or not.  I wished for nothing more than to be able to have a phone on me to call her to tell her and if I had thought more clearly I would have asked the party-people for a phone to do just that.  Sorry.  Eventually I made it to the board walk and I ran walked it on home.  My legs were cramping terrible, my mind was already thinking about sleeping on the way home.  I felt like I had let everyone down. I talked such a big game for 20 weeks and on the biggest day I fell short.  Miles short. I crossed the finish line, head down......I wouldn't even let them put the medal around my neck, I just took it by hand.  I didn't feel like I deserved it.  I found a bench and sat down with a water and cried.  Maura found me, and I started to cry more, seeing that she was upset too.  I felt bad for making her worry, I felt bad for letting others down.  I felt bad about it all.  We met up with our friends and I eventually pulled it together.  I got a beer and went and let my feet cool off in the ocean.  It was over.  My 20 week journey was over. 

I had a lot to think about on the way home.  Too much, actually.  So much I don't think I slept like I had planned.  One thing is for certain, I have the best friends, and the best family I could have ever asked for.  One thing I thought about during the "blowup" as I'm calling it, was how I'd let everyone down, and I'd hate to have to talk about this with anyone.  Quite the opposite.  I've had more kind and inspirational words from everyone now than I ever expected.  I was worried about failing.  But, I will only fail if I stop trying. If I let the punches keep me from moving forward. I started sharing this journey with others because I hoped it would bring others to do what motivates them.....it that journey it's those same people who are now helping me when I need it.  Thank you.  Together we are strong beyone measure.  I never really thought I was doing things on my own, but after this experience I now know I'll never have to. 

* A special thanks to Maura.....without you none of what I do would be possible.  You are my rock and I love you very much.  Your support this weekend was amazing, and I'm sorry I made you drive so much :) 

The calm before the storm.....

Well, I'm here.  And as I basically expected I'm surprisingly getting calmer by the minute.  I credit my overall planning and training for this I guess.  I do as much as I can to leave tomorrow as risk-averse as possible. No last minute surprises.  I've even gone as far as to lay out all my clothes for tomorrow and pin on my bib.  My gels, and iPod are layed out. Watch is plugged in and charging and my breakfast is in a tupperware on the counter.  I'd actually go to bed right now if I thought I'd sleep past 3am. 

The past week was pretty easy I guess.  I ran one easy mile on Thursday, nothing on Friday, nothing today.  I was starting to worry I wouldn't be fully recovered by race day, but the last two days I've finally started to feel rested.  So......with nothing else really to talk about......no more motivational You Tube videos and quotes to post....I'll discuss "The Plan" for tomorrow......

I like having a detailed plan for my race.  It's not that I'm so anal that I can't run without one, but for me having a well thought out plan means I am prepared. If I'm prepared, and I need to call an audible mid race, I know what my overall strategy is and I dont risk too much.  Ideally the plan is there as a safety net.  Use it as needed. 

Pre-Race:

Race starts at 8:30am, I'm gonna get up at 6, make a super stiff cup of french pressed coffee and have one of my two, 600 calorie chocolate chip muffins and probably watch some Prefontaine clips or some You Tube montages to get my mind straight.  Maura is dropping me off around 7:30 so I can have LOTS of time to walk around, stretch out, and make my way to the front of my corral.

Pacing: 
First 5 miles I'm going to stick to a pace around 7min.  This should allow my legs ample time to warm up and shouldn't be too slow to make up later on.  I am a little concerned that this will still be a bit too fast and my legs will cramp up, but I think I'll be stretched out enough for it not to matter.  From mile 5 on it will be a 6:40 pace, and at mile 20-22 I'm gonna hit my "B-Button" and start burning up whatever I have left. 

Fuel:
I'm hopefull that the enormous steak and potatoe I had for dinner, coupled with the pizza for lunch, and muffin in the morning should be a good start.  Probably a glass of water, and two gatorade Primes.  During the race it's CRUCIAL that I maintain a proper fuel level or I risk blowing up.  I'm going to burn more than I can consume so I need to start full and put just enough fuel in along the way to keep me from hitting empty before the finish.  Based on some reecent reading, my plan is this:  Hit the water station at miles 4, 8, and then they are spaced about every 1.5 miles, so I'll hit up every other one.  Just a quick gulp, probably alternating between water and gatorade.  I will carry 3 GU's on me, and grab two along the way, I'll eat one about every 30-45 minutes, probably consume 5 along the way. 

The Course:

I start out heading South, hitting a small bridge with a 40ft elevation climb around 2, and then as we come back, I hit it again around mile 9.5.  I'm ok with this climb as it's pretty early in the race. 

As I double back and head north past where we started, the course is a SMALL incline for the next 8 miles or so.  When I say small, I mean about a 10-15 ft climb over 8 miles...not sure I'll even notice that.  There is a stretch as we make a left onto shore drive that I looked at on google earth that will be interesting.  It's a two lane road, tall trees on both sides and you can see for almost 1.5 miles straight, make a small bend, then another 1.5 miles straight. Anytime you can see this far into the distance, it's weird, and can be mentally challenging.  This is where I anticipate my iPod coming in. 

From there it's back into civilization and along the beach towards the finish, and a SMALL downhill.  There's a chance of a light wind tomorrow coming out of the NE ~10mph.  If it's gonna pick up, I want it at this point as that would be a nice tailwind.  No wind would be just fine too! 

So that's that.  Maura should be able to see me at the start, on my way back through and at the end.  I'm hoping it's another tearful celebration at the end like last year, and right now I'm feeling pretty good about it. 

TO BE CONTINUED...................

Corrals and Bib numbers.....

4 days left.  6 little miles to go until race day.  I think I've been in a bit of a time warp up until this point; seemingly un aware of how much time was left until I'd actually have to face this race.  I was now at a point where I could check the weather and had a bib number.  That may not seem like a big deal, but for a runner, having a weather forecast and a bib number meant it was "game on"!!  As I logged into the race website to get my number I got chills.......I was in corral #1. 

This meant I was in the front of the pack.  Of ~4,000 people (assuming it fills up) I would be up front.  I thought immediately about last years race, and how amazingly surreal it felt to stand ON the starting line, people behind you, hundreds of people in the stands in front on both sides, a police motorcade forming to lead you off, and some of the nations elite runners on each shoulder.....it doesnt get ANY better that that. 3....2....1 "BOOM"!!! I try to stay as humble as I can about running; with everything in life, and especially being a runner in Asheville, there is always somebody faster, and stronger than you. That's good for motivation, but it is always nice to have a reminder that "hey, you know what, you worked your ass off, and you're faster than a lot of the people doing this today".  I guess it just felt like a compliment from the race.....as weird as that may sound.  It was real though, and that was kinda scary.  I have a weather forecast and a bib number.....the train is on the tracks. 

I had some work travel this week, which has also somewhat distracted me from the events of the weekend.  It did, however, allow me a chance to finish my book.  It was a great book. I didn't think I could find a book as good as "Born to Run" when I had finished that, but this book was great also.  It was so full on inspiration and great quotes, many of which I've shared on FB recently, I couldn't help but keep a geat attitude this week.  Although I didn't have the greatest run this morning, I had a great mental workout, which at this point is teh most important pre-race prep I think I could have.  As I read I got chills, and actually shed a few tears. It fueled my soul and gave me confidence that I could balance my crappy workout today with mental toughness.....I dont think there will be ANYONE that wants their goal more than me come this Sunday....and for that reason alone I will be great.  I dont think it's gonna be easy.  But as I remember from my book, one of my favorite quotes:

"if it feels comfortable, you're probably doing someting wrong, it should hurt like hell" 

I have lots of quotes for Sunday, lets hope I dont need this one, but part of me hopes I do....it means I'm probably doing something right! 

6 more miles........4 tomorrow morning, 2 on Thursday....I'll let emotion and energy build for 48 hours after than until race morning.  I just hope there's some sand left on the beach after I go roaring past it! 

I'm gonna show you how great I am!!

8 days to go.  15 miles between me and my race.  I've trained my ass off.  Lifting twice a week, core classes twice a week, running between 40-50+ miles a week.......for 19 weeks.  Eating well, drinking insane amounts of water every day....I could totally kick Ivan Drago's ass right now.  Or at least run away from him very quickly.

Running the last few weekend training runs before a big race are always kind of weird to me.  As I run I feel like I'm doing it for the last time, almost like it's a farwell tour before going off to battle.  Sometimes I actually imagine the people I pass in the park or in the subdivision know this is "it" and they are subconciously saying "good luck" as I pass.  In a way it is a farwell tour, but I'm the one saying Thank You. Thank you to the trees, sun and ruver that greet me each morning and afternoon and remind me how lucky I am to train in this area. Thank You to the people I pass that smile and say "Good morning".  Thank you to the fat ass people in their cars that almost hit me because they're too lazy to take their eyes off that delicious McDonalds Egg McMuffin and pay attention to the road.....thanks for reminding me that I'm in control of my health.  Thank you all for your part in motivating me to do something special.  I WILL do this, I WILL give it my all.  I WILL NOT STOP UNTIL I HAVE CONQUERED THIS RACE!!  WHO AM I?  I AM A CHAMPION!!!!!!

woa.....where did that come from.....some residual testosterone from this morning......sorry..

As I ran I though about the various motivational phrases and pictures I'd seen recently and how I'd need to remember each one, place it in my mental arsenal ready to be used throughout the various challenges of the 26.2 miles ahead.  I thought about how much I wanted to make a video when this is all done with.  A badass, motivating, gut punching, tear jerking montage that tries (but never fully can) to embrace what it feels like to be a runner.  We'll see if I ever get to this.......stay tuned. Could be something I do today, or a year from now. 

However while I was poking around the endless abyss that is YouTube, I found some really great stuff. I'm going to post the links below because I think I'm gonna want them for this weekend. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_7I7iasuIdw&feature=pyv

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YeYXeoYXZwY

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sAqs_RKwfg8

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HFRo9UTj9Hc


I've been interrupted and now I'm trying to watch college basketball..........done.