Welcome to Taper Town, Population: 1 (me)

So it's been a couple weeks since my last post.  My attitude and approach have both improved.  It's not been easy but I took Aarons advice and "unplugged" my brain when it came to my training.  It didn't really make anything "easier" but it did help me put things back in perspective a little.  I'm reading a new book "Ultra-Marathon Man" about a guy that apparently ran a lot as a child, fell into the "real world" and then rediscovered his love for running.  Not very far into it, but one quote that stuck out to me and helped me a lot these last two weeks was "it's not supposed to feel good, it's supposed to hurt like hell".  When things got tough, I'd use this quote and keep pushing. 

I've been able to get back outside some, which was great.  I had a 13 mile, all at goal pace, workout and it was pushing 65 degrees out!  I actually had to ditch my shirt around mile 3 because I thought I was going to overheat. I ran really well for 6 miles, but then things go tough.  Towards the end I was struggling and I was still trying to chip away at the defecit I had created during the first 4 miles.  Then I lost track of how much time I needed to shave off in my last mile.  Luckily I finished EXACTLY on time, not one second to spare. 

This lead me into my last BIG week of training before I start my taper.  I was determined to kick ass all week and go into my taper a beast.  I decided I needed to re-introduce the Jus' Running track workout for my Tuesday speedwork.  This is a group of runners that meet weekly, and have for years, at the "other" running store in town, they run to the UNCA track and the owner gives us the workout, you do it, and we job back. Usually about 8-9 miles total.  Although it makes for a long night, I knew I'd be energized being around all the elite runners again.  I was very pleased how well I ran the workout.  I am usually in teh 2nd or 3rd pack of people, tonight I was in front of the second pack, which was progress in my book. 

The rest of the week I stuck to my schedule, no deviation, and was ready for my last long run.  The morning was chilly but the sun was out.  For some reason I had major anxiety about this run.  "What if I couldn't do it?" I kept worrying.  There's no redemption runs after this to make up for any slip today, this is IT before the race.  It felt like I ran FOREVER.  Because I've run this route for most of my long runs, I just kept going a little further each time, it added a weird sense of discovery each time.  Something about running into a new county and along some railroad tracks all the way to what seemed like a little unknown town was kind of surreal....and sketchy.  As I approach my turn around, I only had 1.5miles until I had run 13 "easy" miles and it was then time to kick ass for 10 final miles.  After 10 miles I was basically done with training.  That thought alone made my stomach turn.  I downed another random GU I had (vanilla bean, which is F-ing gross, but it's all I had), reset my watch and picked up the pace.  I fired up some Girl Talk on the iPod and just hoped it would last.  I've been really trying to run my first 2 miles slower on purpose to allow my legs to set into the proper gear and from there let them guide me into the right pace, trying not to over think it too much.  My first two miles were around 7 min.  A little slower than I'd typically like, but I wasn't worried.  After 3 miles I was 50+ seconds behind and I kept hitting patches of a nasty headwind, which sucked.  It's funny how the weather impacts my attitude, and thus my running. As soon as I'd hit a spot of direct sun and still wind, my back straightened and my pace quickens.  It wasn't until mile 5 when I finally started gaining ground.  However, I had a 54 second gap to make up.  What's nice about an "out and back" run like this was as you get closer to home you start seeing the things you know are close and you hadn't seen them in a while and it reminds you you're getting close.  As I ran I'd periodically see some bikers go by and give me a thumbs up.  Silly, but that always pumps me up.  There's something about those moments that kind of gives me a sense of "WE" while I'm out there.  Like they're saying "I know what you're going through, nice work, I get it".  I was comfortably bouncing between 6:20 and 6:35, but staying under 6:40 and making up ground.  I try to take every down slope as a place to speed up a little and took every uphill as a chance to show some power.  This is where I feel like I'm in the video game Excitebike. 

My speed is the B button.  Use it when you need to, but overuse it and you'll blow up and be on the side of the road recovering.  It's a balance you develop over the training plan, mastering it takes time, but I think I'm getting close.  If I'm gonna overheat, do it right at the end, not before.  Time it just right.  I started to get tired, but my legs were locked in, I just had to keep pushing.  No matter what; this was where it matters.  My ankles felt like there was no cartiledge, and I was literally grinding it out.  Not so much pain, just the feeling of 143 pounds pounding on each ankle 16,000 times over 20 miles.  Once I got to two miles left, I had 17 seconds to make up, no sweat, I hoped.  I pushed and pushed, passing places that I saw almost 3 hoiurs ago, I knew I was close, no pain.  In just over 12 minutes I'd be in Taper Town and I wanted to enjoy it, not be upset over missing today's goal.  Last mile, just needed ~4seconds!!  I held down my B button and let loose. Last mile, 6:20!  I did it.  I was done, I made it to Taper Town.  Excitement was briefly put on pause as I coughed and coughed and dry heaved, hic-up'd and coughed some more.  The sudden change in breathing pattern and oxygen intake sends a small shock through my body.  Small prices to pay for a victory like today.  Today, I ran with purpose and passion, and that's all I can ever ask for. 

Now on to my next challenge.....structured recovery and tapered mileage.  THIS is often more of a challenge than the high mileage weeks.....but I'll get into that later. 

Runnin' out of steam?

Lately I've been losing my focus.  I had a great 21 mile run last weekend, despite the snow and wind, but my weekly grind has left me somewhat unmotivated and physically and mentally "not with it".  I was going to write about this but I figured I'd just share my desperate email and response from local running store owner and friend Aaron Saft, who's an abosolute beast. 

From: Andy Brouwer [mailto:andy.brouwer@yahoo.com]
Sent: Wednesday, February 15, 2012 2:42 PM
To: Aaron Saft
Subject: Running out of steam.....

Aaron,

I need some coaching, I think.  I'm ~3wks from my taper and the last 2-3wks have been somewhat of a hell for me.  I'm still running well, but my motivation is slipping and some runs are suffering. 

Tuesdays speedwork seem to be the hardest.  They've been pretty long and I've had to do them inside recently, which I hate. I think a lot of it started right after Hot Chocolate. I was still REALLY sore on the Tuesday following that race so I adjusted my workout a little.  I'd get the miles in, but doing them "as prescribed" was not something I felt physically or mentally capable of.  Since then I've kind of of felt like that about a lot of my workouts.  I'm constantly wanting to adjust the workout to something easier due to time or because I'm to tired or sore.  This makes me depressed and discouraged. The bright spot has been my long runs.  I ran 12 miles at goal pace last weekend like a champ, finishing just under my goal time and last week I ran 21 with the first 13 being at 8:33 and the last 8 were at goal pace and I ran 3 seconds faster....at the end I felt good too. 

My obvious fear is that I'm losing my edge and my fitness is suffering.  My last two weeks I've missed my weekly goals by 4-5 miles, which maybe isn't too big a deal when you're chasing 50+, but that's still 10% off.  My diet has been good, not great, I'm still doing core work 2-3 times a week and adding two lifting days/week usually as well.  I'm sleeping well.  I was soooo regimented for the first 12 weeks, it is just hard to keep up with when life gets in the way. 

Any thoughts?  I did just buy some new shoes to help me feel better :)

Look forward to hearing from you.

- Andy

Hey man,

Totally normal! I want you to think of a time when you were hurt & could not run. What did you want to do? RUN! You are a million times fitter than that point in your life. APPRECIATE THAT FACT! Shut off your brain on workout days. Do them without question or thought. Enjoy the fact you can do it! There are millions who can’t or want to be able to do what you are able to do on a daily basis. Appreciate the fact you have a fully functional body & mind. We complain when we have to do a hard workout, then we do it, we make it through it, & it makes us better. So why complain about it? Put this training plan to bed & ROCK THIS MARATHON!

Give yourself tough love. Call yourself a pansy. Whatever it takes to get yourself through it.

Motivation…look in the mirror Andy and tell me your not in the best shape of your life. Ask yourself what you want? Do you want to finish 26.2 or do you want to destroy 26.2?

Your brain is your enemy right now, put it in its place!

Aaron

Brouwer-san learn running....

Miyagi: [Miyagi returns from fishing as Daniel is painting the house] Oh, miss spot.
Daniel: What spot? Hey, how come you didn't tell me you were goin' fishing?
Miyagi: You not here when I go.
Daniel: Well, maybe I wanted to go, you ever think of that?
Miyagi: You karate training.
Daniel: I'm *what*? I'm bein' your goddamn *slave* is what I'm bein' here man, now c'mon we made a deal here!
Miyagi: So?
Daniel: So? So, you're supposed to teach and I'm supposed to learn! For 4 days I've been bustin' my ass, and haven't learned a goddamn thing!
Miyagi: You learn plenty.
Daniel: I learn plenty, yeah, I learned how to sand your decks maybe. I washed your car, paint your house, paint your fence. I learn plenty!
Miyagi: Ah, not everything is as seems...

Last year while I was running my last long run I was fortunate enough to have a good friend and good runner Nick Mayernick with me.  He's a really fast runner and has been doing it for a long time so I used the 17 miler as a good opportunity to pick his brain about everyting from VO2 capacity to training methods.  I remember asking him "the longest run at goal pace I'll have completed before the race is less than 11 miles, how the hell am I going to do 26.2 at that pace?"  His response (which had it been in an ancient Chinese voice would have been perfect) "everything you've done during training will come together during the race.  The long runs, the speed work, the tempo runs, you will use it all during your race."  "I get it, it's like the Karate Kid!!!" I said.  And from then on, it made total sense to me.  I love being a child of the 80's so this comparison worked just perfect for me. 

Today I ran that same stretch of road where I had my Karate-like epiphony and thought a lot about my training and whether or not I would be ready.  I had to do 12 miles at my goal pace which was not going to be easy....nor should it.  But, like Daniel-san, I had to put trust into my training and hope it worked out. 

It's been a tough and grueling schedule lately.  Last weeks 55 miles took a lot out of me and my body is feeling the effects. This week was shorter in terms of mileage, but I have been upping the lifting and core work to improve my gait and overall leg strength.  Mentally I've been pretty burnt out. It's hard to get motivated for my speed work lately, and I even took a rest day on Wednesday just because I was so destroyed from the 12 mile speed work on the treadmill the night before.  I was happy my schedule was a little more stable though, and I wanted a strong end to the week with these 12 miles to cap it all off. 

I have been paying a lot of attention to HOW I run my longer goal pace runs because I'm picking up on things that are very helpful.  I've realized that it's easier for me to start out a little slower for the first mile or so, because I can always run my last two miles faster, so overall it works out.  Trying to start out AT goal pace, and hold it the whole time takes more out of me and makes things tougher at the end.  Knowing that, I started out today with a 30 sec debt after two miles.  A little more than I wanted, but I had 10 miles to make it up.  I like the chase.  SHIT! 4 miles in and I was still losing ground.  Not as badly as the first two, but now I'm about 36 sec behind.  Miles 5 and 6 I had it down to about 31 seconds, no sweat, 5 sec faster for 6 miles and I'm ok. Mile 7, W....T....F!? 6:47, now I'm back up around a 40+ sec deficit! At this point I wanted to just throw in the towel.  "it's ok if you fall short today, it was a tough day, just get the miles in" I told myself.  Just then I looked down and saw my pace was down around 6:20 or so.......there was still hope.  All that painting the fence and waxing cars was starting to come out!!  By the end of mile 10 I had shaved off enough time I just needed to run the last two at sub 6:30 to accomplish my goal for today.  I felt like I shifted into the last gear I had and watched my pace drop to about 6:15.......I counted down the last 1.5 miles like I was on the track "6 laps to go" I told myself....."just stay here."  I didn't sprint to the end, I just held on to what I knew I could do....mile 12 beeped at me and I looked down as I stopped my watch.  1:19:42, 18 seconds ahead of schedule!  I gave a good "WOOOOOOOOOO!" to the skies like I always do after a good run, I think it's important to celebrate a good run, and today was a good run. 

I trusted myself today much like Daniel-san had to trust Mr. Miyagi......I fought it for 8 miles but when I finally let go and let my training take over, I was rewarded.  Maybe not as cool as doing the crane and kickin' some A-hole in the face, but maybe I'll save that for the end of my next race.  For now, I'm gonna find a little Asian man to rub me down....wait, what?